At four years of age, my mother and I were in a tragic car accident. I was thrown through the windshield, she was killed instantly. Throughout my childhood years after this event, I endured sexual abuse, then a psychotic stepmother came in to the picture who hated me and made sure I knew it. At eleven years of age I was sent to live with my aunt and uncle and although my uncle was an alcoholic, those were the happiest, most endearing years of my young life. My uncle wasn’t your typical alcoholic, but rather a charisma-filled, eccentric charmer who was always the life of the party. Or at least that’s how I remember him. He and my aunt made life fun again. It was during my aunt/uncle years I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior. I was only twelve, but I knew exactly what I was doing.
Throughout my teen years I lived for the Lord and made it all the way through high school a “good girl”. It was only after I started college I made decisions that I knew weren’t good for me, but at the time I wanted to have some fun. So I packed God up in a neat little box and put Him on a shelf. With me at the reins of my life, it didn’t take long to steer right off a cliff. Within the year, I was in a relationship I had no business being in, and six months after that I was pregnant.
Everything in me said abortion was wrong, but I charged forward with really bad advice, from even worse friends, and I went through with it anyway. March 29, 1985 was the day of my most regrettable mistake. I was nineteen years old and making decisions of life and death that I had no business making. My boyfriend broke up with me shortly after and I really don’t blame him. He begged me not to have the abortion and I selfishly did anyway. Don’t ever let anyone tell you this is just a woman’s issue. Men suffer from the aftermath of this choice as well.
For seven years after this date my life quickly became a mess. I started drinking, then consuming vast amounts of drugs, spending all my money to go to concerts and get backstage, signing up for credit cards and maxing them out, suffered through a rape, and going through relationships like water, not committing to anything or anybody. After an attempted suicide and being consumed with death, I cleaned myself up enough to get married.
My husband is the real hero in all of this. He loved me even as messed up as I was and lived with the drama of my life for years. We had two sons right away. My first son I have always felt like was a gift from God to wake me up. That pregnancy got my attention and made me realize my life was worth living, if not for myself, then for this precious creature that had been entrusted to me. My second son was indeed born on March 29th, the very day I had taken a life, God gave me another gift straight from Him. God speaks often, heals much, and redirects life’s circumstances, through children and pregnancies all the time. My husband and I have just celebrated twenty-fiveyears ofmarriage. To have spent the last quarter century with this man, enjoying life, making memories, raising two awesomely incredible boys, and growing up together I can truly say I’m completely blessed.
Not long in to our marriage I heard about a class that was being offered for women who had experienced abortion and were having trouble afterward. I couldn’t believe it. I was so happy to find an outlet for these emotions and pain I could never fully deal with. This Bible study I attended gave me back my life. It showed me how I needed to accept Jesus forgiveness and forgive myself. It was an incredible discovery and a much needed transformation.
Experiencing God through that study, in a way I had never known, compelled me to immediately start teaching the class. I enjoyed teaching for several years. Finally in the year 2000, God started showing me the need for SaveOne-an abortion recovery ministry. Since that time, my wildest dreams have come true. I have never had more fun in my entire life than when I finally surrendered all to God. To see God take my most regrettable mistake and turn it around to help others find freedom through truth is an unexplainable event.
God has walked me through forgiving the abusers in my life, owning my bad choices and wiping my slate clean, and has made me a victor of my past circumstances; and no longer a victim. What happened to me as a child is not what defines me, but rather strengthens who I am today. The enemy meant all that junk for nothing but destruction in my life, but God used it all for the betterment of myself, my awesome family, and to help others through the same situations.
It is my passion and purpose to go wherever, speak to whomever, and do whatever it takes to get the job done. What is the job you ask? To see abortion end in our country and around our world.
So there’s the real story…Without Grace I’m a mess, true and simple. With Grace life is awesome.